Well, we all kill ample amount of our time making ourselves satisfactorily presentable to the world and will we ever get content is an unanswered question shot into the void. Our dress, haircut, ornaments, car, house, furniture, gadgets and what not. We believe it has its impression on our confidence and happiness ( depends on how we define happiness). Yes, if we believe yes!
I remember, two years back, on my engagement day, like any other girl I dreamt of looking beautiful which turned out to be a huge hodgepodge. I couldn’t have looked any worse because I had been crying days and nights over the entire idea of sudden marriage crashing my dream about flying to Mumbai for PhD. The tension exhibited on my face in the form of terrible dark circles, dull skin and big red pimples. In addition, the beautician was so creative that she ended up putting a darker compact on my skin and I looked even worse. I remember photographer Chettan telling me, Mole please don’t look into the mirror, you will lose your confidence. He literally shot me with his advice but I obeyed with a heavy heart. Just when my father held my hand and was about to walk over to the stage, my brother who stood behind me whispered, ” Appu, you look so gorgeous.” I know I didn’t but I pretended which was enough to face the audience. The day went off smoothly.
I wish to narrate another incident. There is this senior professor who is highly qualified with a Doctoral degree from one of the most prestigious universities in the world and with an excellent track record of academic proficiency. With all the greatness and fortune, he has chosen a humble, down to earth lifestyle and he lives a happy content life compared to many ostentatious lives I see around. He was invited as the chief guest to a grand function of a reputed brand (not mentioning the name) attended by many VIPs. His usual tight scheduled day couldn’t help him in noticing the old torn shoes which weren’t aligning with a besuited man. Since it was last minute hurry-burry he left wearing the same. On the way, he was messaging me saying about the shoes and I felt sorry thinking he would feel humiliated facing the throng. I persuaded him on asking the cab driver to stop at some footwear shop and pick up something new. His response amazed me, ” let me go just like this so that I can have a test on my own ego; Let me not surrender to the parameters of worthiness the world has created; let me see how I handle this, sitting on the dais, facing the audience, without embarrassment and humiliation; let me try to unfurl every goodness and beauty inside me so much so that it outshines what is outside of me.”
It was so thought-provoking that I understood a deeper crux of life that if we choose to be so beautiful inside, then the deceptive walls of beauty the world has created will start to collapse. It was easy for that professor to believe because he knew what he is. Believing is so hard only when you don’t know something. I tried to know me by detaching myself from my body, turned back and looked at myself, my thoughts. I saw me.
I wish if I could see me as what my brother said on my engagement day, “Appu, you look so gorgeous.” And yes, one day, I will, for reasons many.
SPELL OF WORDS 